The Bachelor x Ottawa Senators

Bachelor/Sens Nation, what's good?

A few months ago, some family members and I put together a pool for the 25th season of The Bachelor featuring Matt James, which will be wrapping up next Monday. It's my first viewing of the infamous reality tv show and for what it is, an entertainment product, it has delivered. People, including myself, just love reality tv and it's got me thinking: "Could The Bachelor concept be applied to other parts of my life?"

Enter: The 2020-21 Ottawa Senators.

As I write this, the Ottawa Senators are a pretty bad hockey team, currently sitting 30th of 31 teams in the league ranked by win %. Despite this fact, they are extremely exciting to watch. While they've got a lot of Stinky Boys, they've also have an abundance of high end talent and I want to know more about the team's youthful firearms! Tkachuk, Stützle, Batherson, Norris, Chabot, Formenton, and Daccord (?!?) all have me thinking of the window of opportunity in the coming years and I want to get to know them all better. What better way to do this than to put one of them in the spotlight of a dating show while the others make cameo appearances/act as the host?! It's essentially The Bachelor crossed with the Toronto Raptors Open Gym YouTube program and it would be glorious. I call it Sens Bachelor.

So, who's the ideal leading man for this seasons Sens Bachelor? Honestly, it's a true "who can say" situation. I don't know what everyone's deal is when it comes to dating, nor do I really want to check (feels a bit scuzzy). Beyond who's single, there would likely be guys better suited for the role than others, which would largely come down to charisma, but I don't know that either. Ultimately, they have to want to do it and once again, I don't know who'd be down. So, our Sens Bachelor remains unknown, but that's okay. What is important right now is to plant the seed in the minds of TV execs so that we may enjoy this one day.

While I think this series would do good numbers, Sens Bachelor could also have a positive outcome on the direction of the franchise. People in sports love the word "culture" and I think if this were to happen, the "culture" would continue to trend towards fun and light-heartedness. Being a professional hockey player is a job, after all, and this would be big for work-life balance.

I would propose having the contestants on the show be from the Eastern Ontario/Ottawa-Gatineau Metro Area. This would have two important affects. For one, the people in these towns are going to have an added viewing interest (bump for TV ratings), rooting for their hometown girl. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, marrying a local girl might keep the young player from ever leaving the Sens; as a budget team, we like that (bump for franchise)!

Timing & Date Locations

The best time to film a season of Sens Bachelor would be either in the summer when players don't have as many specific obligations to the team. Specifically late summer, when players are showing up to training camp, might be the ideal time to do it so you have the most players around for cameo appearances. Of course, the players won't be playing any meaningful games and won't have the pressure from (most) media members. Further, and to the point of benefitting the franchise, spending time in Eastern Ontario in the late summer/early fall, is the best; the show acts as a vessel for showing other players around the league that Ottawa... isn't so bad. So, with that in mind, let's consider a few possible date locals.

What jumped to mind first was the Valleys great fair culture. While I have a soft spot for the Renfrew fair, the objective fair of choice is Carp. Only 200 more days and counting! I've also come to the conclusion that the Whitewater Region has disproportionate number of attractions (2) for the number of people. Logos Land Waterpark & Petting Zoo in Cobden is a no-brainer; Bachelor Nation loves themselves a petting zoo. Also in the region, the lead and a lucky lady might venture to Foresters Falls for some whitewater rafting on the Ottawa River. SHEESH Whitewater Region, well done. I think a visit to Calabogie Motorsports Park is another must. Rent a car, bring your own, whatever the case, this would be a fun time (shoutout to Tricky Rick). Of course, there would be plenty of other activities in and around Ottawa-proper, but I'm going to move on now.

Contestants

Okay, so as discussed above, we don't have a Bachelor, but that's fine! What we do have in and around Ottawa is a lot of really cool, unique towns/suburbs that have an identity. This, I argue, would result in plenty of interesting women fit for the show. Let's meet some make-believe contestants. Note I am using the most popular female names in 1997 Canada and Quebec and that these characters are (probably) fictional and only act to illustrate the diversity in Sens Country.

Emily, Software Engineer

Kanata, ON

Emily grew up in the Ottawa suburb before doing a tour of duty with a fortune 500 company in the Bay Area but now she's back in Canada's tech capital, ready to settle down. She is career-driven and lives & works just a stones-throw away from the Canadian Tire Centre. Not afraid to mix business with pleasure, this lifelong Sens fan is ready to find love.

Florence, Government Employee

Orleans, ON

Florence is 100% your "work to live" type of person. Does she love her job across the river in Gatineau? HELL no. What she does love is spending time at the lake in the summer, and skiing in Tremblant come winter. Ready to settle down, she sees herself as the quintessential wife and mother who will put her man ahead of her career goals.

Sarah, Chemical Engineer

Deep River, ON

Sarah is a second-generation employee at Chalk River's Canadian Nuclear Laboratories who's family deep roots in the Ottawa Valley. Sarah, like The Bachelor, is an athlete. Lover of cross country skiing and running, she wants a partner who puts an equal value on fitness. We know she will share this in common with the lead; the only question is: will they have the necessary chemistry? (sorry)

Emma, Artist

Wilno, ON

Born and raised in the Wilno Hills, Emma will be reading for the role of "Hippy Girl." Emma owns her own business- an art company. She enjoys spending time in the nearby Algonquin Park swimming and painting. She is a self described "free spirit" that enjoys kicking off her shoes at the local Tavern's Blues Nights. While not a huge sports fan, she thinks she would be great for The Bachelor because why not?

Jessica, Dairy Farmer

Cobden, ON

Meet Jessica, Cobden's original farmer's daughter. Her family is been in the valley working the land about as far back as Samuel de Champlain came through the area (translation: v long time). Jessica loves spending time outdoors hunting, fishing, and playing pond hockey! Jess says that she is the classic Valley Girl (not THAT Valley) who is looking forward to sharing a few cold ones with The Bachelor.

Emilé, Communications Director

Thurso, QC

Emilé (AKA French Emily) is an extremely smart young professional, who has recently moved into the city since the closure of her previous employer, the town pulp mill. A distant relative of Guy Lafleur, her love for hockey is only eclipsed by her love for making that paperrrrrrrr (pulp and figurative). Her friends know her as a spark plug that's not going to take any shit from the other contestants, especially if they disrespect her blue-collar town.

Wrap

Now, this is by no means a complete list. I understand that I have not represented a large proportion of Eastern Ontario (Prescott & Russell, Leeds & Grenville, St. Lawrence Seaway, Kingston, et cetera.). To the good people of these areas, I apologize. I know that your towns would probably produce good contestants; I simply don't have as good a lay of your land and it's socio-economic makeup to do it justice!

That's all I've got, folks. To the higher ups of CTV Ottawa & the entire Senators org, you can contact me for a rights deal through this blog. Can't wait for Season 1 to come out. Thx.